Family

I was nineteen when I came to this city, I remember. Rugged clothes, fifty rupees with me, a brutal past, and a dream. A dream to counter my destiny. Being born as a girl in a community of devadasis, my life was laid out to me, even before I came to an age when I could understand. They say devadasis are married to God, and serve the men. But being honest, let’s look at “they”. The people who made such rules were high nobles, who just wanted a way to justify their high born-yet-uneducated wives on why they were having sexual relations with other women. And being born there meant the same to me. Get married to the “God” and serve men. Once I asked my mother on who my father was, and she replied, ”Who knows? We are here to serve men. Our husband is the deity. My mother did the same, and so did her mother. And one day, my little bird, you’d be married to God too, and serve as you are destined to”. I remember smiling at this. I must be 6-7 years old. Naive? Yes. Foolish? No. It wasn’t her fault. That’s how she was raised, and I was being raised the same. But the only good thing that happened to me was I got educated. I remember once an officer came to our village, and saw me and enrolled me in the school nearby. I didn’t tell my mom because I knew that she would be furious at this. Because for her, it was a symbol of western culture which had caused “our” culture to dwindle, and at the moment, illegal. I would give my bag to a friend with my uniform in it, and wear it when I met her in the school itself. I wanted to study, so I did. I cleared 10th grade. Not a big feat here in the city, but back in my village, it was possibly the highest a girl could study for. And I did it without my mom knowing about it. Quite hard to believe? I know. But then, my “destiny” came to the story again. I was sixteen when I was married to the “God” in a ceremony. And before I knew it, I was just flesh for men who wanted to have some pleasure, at my expense. I remember having sex with multiple men, in just a day. I couldn’t even report this to the police, given they might do the same. It was a village police station, you know. He knew what went where in the village already. So I did the only thing I could think of. Run. But I needed to gather courage. And I had enough courage to run away, only after three years. But for those three years, I saw hell. I wasn’t married to God, but a demon. God wouldn’t let his “wife” be treated like this, ever. So I ran. On top of my lungs.

Reaching the bus stop, and getting the bus to the city. I remember having those 50 rupees with me, but conductor knew that I didn’t have enough money. The bus was empty, expect a couple of people, so he told me that he’d let me go to the city for free, only if I let him sleep with me. And I, broken by my past, didn’t even resist.

Funny enough, my “destiny” seemed to have stopped following me as I got off the bus. Broken, rugged clothes, 50 rupees, and a dream.

It had been two years since then. I had worked in various places. Usually as a receptionist or a clerk-manager type of role. Quite basic. My strength was that I picked up English fast. And I could converse in it. Everything was good until I saw him.

I was there to give an interview for a typist position. I could type relatively faster than usual people so thought of doing that. He was amazed at first that I didn’t have a last name. My luck worked and he didn’t ask why. I got the job, but his energy wasn’t something I had observed before. For me, at that point in time, no man was true. No man was good. Every man wanted me in the flesh as I was and then leave. My past hadn’t just broken me but shattered. So I sensed the same from him, and I got my guard high.

Every day he’d come to work, and say a greeting to me. Really professional, but for me, I always knew that he needed something from me. He must be of the same age as me. Inheriting this company. A rich spoilt brat, I’d say. So there was no indication for me to think other than he wanted to use me. And one day, it came to that.

“Do you have a moment?”, he asked, politely, smiling at me.
“Yes sir”, I replied, somewhat hastily. I knew what was going to happen.
“Do you mind coming to my cabin?”, he asked, and left the place before I could even answer.

We entered the cabin and he sat on his chair. I adjusted myself to mine.

He started speaking suddenly, “I’m sorry but this must be weird for you, but do you have a boyfriend?”.

I was shocked. Nobody had ever asked me that.

“No, sir. I didn’t get any time”, I replied, looking down. Straight face.

“Well, that’s great then. I don’t have to worry about someone breaking my nose”, he said and laughed. “What do you mean, sir?”, I asked, even though I knew what he thought. “You see, I was nineteen when my father passed away, and left me this place to run. I have a younger sister. My mom passed away when she was born. So it’s just me, and her. She’s getting a bit older now. She has questions, which quite frankly, I can’t answer. So I just thought if you could help me out with that”, he said, completely shocking me. He seemed broken. I could sense how much he loved his sister. There was a picture of her on his table, and he would gaze at it, I had noticed. And for the first time, someone needed something personal from me, that wasn’t my body. I agreed.

I started seeing his sister, and his sister and I grew close, so did we. I had forgotten about the vibe that he gave me in our first meeting. He was a real sweetheart, I must say. I just looked at him and saw how he treated his sister. Made me think, what if I had a brother like him. ‘What if I had a family, like him?’.

After a couple of years, his sister was becoming growing older, and quite literally the only friend that I ever had. I would be at his place mostly, working from his home. He would come back home at night, smiling at his sister, hugging her, and allowing me to go. One day his sister toyed with the idea of a family dinner and asked me to help her cook some dishes. I helped her out, and when he came, he was so glad. It was the first time that he was eating his sister’s handmade food. As I was leaving, I heard his voice.

“Where are you going?”
“Home”, I replied.
“Nope. It’s a family dinner. And you’re family. Come here, and eat with us”, his sister said, smiling. He smiled as well.

To be really honest, I could cry at that moment. I, a born Devdasi, had a family. Had I not defied my “destiny” already? God had other plans.

His sister grew older, and she started going out. By this time, I had started living with them, on her request. She was sixteen, I remember. For the first time, she was out with her friends. She was nervous and excited. And she told me that she’d be late, so to handle her brother. By this time, her brother and I had developed this chemistry between us. Sometimes I felt like he liked me, whereas sometimes, I would keep myself in denial. Or I’d rather say, my past would keep me in denial. My past wasn’t a bed of roses, you know.

I told him that his sister would be late today, and he got furious. Any brother would be. Plus, he was her guardian, her parent as well. It was quite obvious. He calmed down though. And we were sitting on the couch. I was going to bed when I heard.

“Listen!”
“Yeah?”, I replied, looking at him.
“Do you mind sitting with me for some more time please?”, he said, with his puppy eyes out. He really did want to just sit with me. This wasn’t the first time though. We had conversations but usually, it was about his sister and her welfare. And occasionally, about our work. He had tried to give me as little work as possible, so I can focus on his sister. Paying me no less though.
“Yeah sure”, I replied, sitting.
“You know, I had been willing to ask you something”, he said, looking at his hands.
“Okay? Go ahead”, I said. I was confused about what was to come. This hadn’t happened before.
“Um, do you like me, romantically?”, he asked. I was absolutely shocked. I mean, I knew we had chemistry but I never thought he’d ask. I was in a denial always, mind you.
Before I could speak anything, he spoke further.
“You see, I don’t know how these things go. Before I could have a girlfriend, I was in the position of being a pseudo-parent to my sister, and she was all I thought about. Until you came for the interview. You were the prettiest girl I had seen. And I don’t know how but I felt sadness lurking. I was curious, but I didn’t know how to ask. It was the first interview I had taken, you know. And maybe, that prettiness was the reason I asked you to take care of her, out of all the people. And you, my dear, weren’t just pretty, but beautiful. You took care of her so gracefully, that I doubt anyone would have carved her into a better woman she has become. So you know, because she likes you already, and I am falling head over heels for you, I just wanted to ask you, if you liked me”.

All of this was difficult for me to fathom. Does someone love me? Did a thing like that even exist for me? Love, and not lust? Seriously? I didn’t notice but I had been silent for too long. I was on a different planet altogether. Suddenly, I heard.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I’m not forcing my will on you. It’s your decision. I spoke a lot. I guess I’ll just go to bed”, his lack of confidence was getting the better of him, as he started walking towards his room. “Stop!”, I shouted. He stopped and saw me.

“This is not right until you know what you’re getting into”, I said, telling him my story. I thought he’d change his mind about me, after knowing that I wasn’t “pure”, but quite conversely he hugged me, crying with tears. And what he said, I can never forget until my dying breath.

“You were married to God because you are an angel. Our angel. Who made our lives better. My life better. You’re who I want. You are my destiny. From this day, until my last day”

And those words made me cry. I hadn’t cried since I lost my virginity to those monsters, and now, I was crying in the arms of an angel, who had given me a family.

His sister had seen us like that and smiled. For her, the family was truly complete.

-SCAS.

PS, I know it was quite long, but needed to let out the story. Still struggling with finding correct words.